Awalnya stalking.

Jadi karna kebanyakan kuota dan lagi nyari bahan hiburan (i used to make my bf's old story for jokes) gue ngestalk akun mantannya pacar gue yang sejarah move on nya paling lama.

Fafa told me a lot of their story.

I've read all of their messages.

It was funny because i've NEVER called by 'yang' or 'sweetie' like he did with his ex.

A bit envy but, idc. Udah pernah juga bilang dan jadi kayak geli gitu heheh

k then, by scrolling her timeline, i found something that fafa didn't tell me before.

their photo.

i'm trying to laugh....................................but ended up with crying.

"waratte, waratte, hoho ga itaku naru made"

suddenly remember how jealous i was. big tweetwar, etc. and I just realized that i still hate the old him.

well, after done stalking her 100000000000+ selfies, i go to twitter by searching their accounts.

I found SO MANY mentions (or sweet mentions) they did after fafa date me.

FOR GOD'S SAKE HOW STUPID I WAS!!!!

Fafa and I have a bad...........history, very bad history. And I found these mentions after 34 months dating.
.

my eyes got swollen and i keep scrolling. Found their old sweet mentions before broke up, many supports, they just like a little lovebird before i came to ruin everything.


so sorry.

Heavy breathing. I deserve this feeling. This reality. And show must go on.

but I can't stop crying.

===============================


so unfair that i DONT HAVE ANY sweet love moments, boyfriend thingy, or smth.

I was a HARDCORE NTR victim, twice (or three times) with person i called bestfriend. I don't ever feel like have a boyfriend before. This is so unfair.

I ain't a tsundere.

I can't be naturally moe.
I ain't your dream humanpet.
I can't be a cat.
I can't be a loli.
I can't be flawless and beauty.
I don't have cute attitudes.
My hair doesn't suit me.
My face is full of shit,acnes and black spot.
I can't be your fetish
I can't be a gamer
I can't play classic instruments
I ain't rich
I ain't sexy
I don't have flat stomach
I am flatchested
I don't have pointed nose
I can't twintail my hair
I'm fat
I have many illness.
I'm abnormal
I read fakku
I'm the opposite of your dream girl
I talk nonsense
I'm a slow thinker
I have short and big legs
I hate myself
I'm a self-harmer
I have irrational attitude when get jealous
I love eat onion
I'm antisocial
I'm such an egoist
I'm hypocrite
I have embarrassing attitude
I'm dirty
I'm unstable
I have an extreme mood swing
I said I hate you more than 2 times and ask to make us over for 2 times
I regret my choice
I'm an academic -idiot.
I have broken grammar
I love to curse everyone
I act overly
I'm overprotective
I'm posessif
I have bad habits
I hate molusca
I'm paranoid
I hate talking about myth
I live with several boys eveyday
I'm such a narcissist.
I can be an over confidence person
I love to show off what I have
I can't keep any secret from you
I hate to talk with stranger
I can't save money
I love to shop
I will force you to accompany me shopping
I hate when you play game then ignoring me.
I love to talk about other guy but i hate you talk about other girl.

So,do you still love me,fa?

Ana fusing

Saya benci liburan.
Saya benci miskin komunikasi.
Saya benci pembatalan.
Saya benci perubahan janji.
Saya benci energi yang sia sia.
Saya benci harus menuntut.
Saya benci dipermainkan.
Saya benci saat ia tidak mengalah.
Saya benci rencana saya hancur.
Saya benci tidak dipedulikan.
Saya benci berjuang sendiri.
Saya benci harapan kosong.
Saya benci jika dipaksa percaya.
Saya benci ditinggal saat marah.
Says benci dihindari saat sedih.
Saya benci orang cuek.
Saya benci karna saya terlanjur mencintai.

Krisis Komunikasi

Khususnya buat penyandang LDR, Long Distance Relationship yang sudah menceramahi saya. Kata kata yang terlontar ga jauh dari 

"komunikasi itu penting"

Fine,gue bukan penyandang LDR (setidaknya sampai 2 minggu kedepan sebelum saya berangkat merantau) tapi saya juga penyandang krisis komunikasi.

Sumpah,walau rumah (terbilang) deket, frekuensi kami saling bertemu (terbilang) cukup jarang, dia sibuk,begitu juga saya.

"Kan masih ada hp"

Dia bukan pengguna handphone untuk beberapa bulan ini,kami hanya berkomunikasi via hp orang, walau sekarang saya sudah bisa tau jam online dia dari jam 00.00 sampai 9 pagi,itu yang mendorong saya untuk begadang tiap hari. Atau bangun dini hari hanya untuk janjian kapan dia main kerumah,atau cerita ttg hal hal kecil lainnya. Sederhana,tapi itu bisa mengobati kangen sampai setidaknya seminggu kedepan walau tanpa komunikasi sama sekali. Waktu kami sedikit,kesibukan kami terbilang tak begitu berarti buat kebanyakan orang. Itu yang bikin kita sekalinya ketemu,sangat menghargai waktu.

Saya bersyukur masih bisa lihat dia setidaknya seminggu sekali, saya benar benar bersyukur,dan kini dia udah bisa bagi waktu buat saya,hubungan ini,dan kita.

kalau lagi ada konflik,ini paitnya ribuan kali lipat dari yang beneran ldr....
Kita komunikasi sebentar, kalau masalah ga selesai,ngegantung terus sampe waktu yang ngejawab. Disini paitnya. Kalau kangen di bukan jam online nya,cuma bisa telen sendiri.Mention via twitter puluhan kali pun ga akan dia tau sebelum jam nya.

Tapi....sebentar lagi kita dikatakan LDR.

Walau cikarang-tangerang doang sih,tapi waktu kita ada di wilayah sama pun frekuensi ketemu jarang,gimana nanti pas sedikit jauh? Belum komunikasi yang minim,inisiatif yang kurang,waktu yang sedikit, sesungguhnya ini ujian yang lebih berat daripada liat dia selingkuh. Ahahaha.

Tapi saya tau,ini semua ada artinya,setiap teguran kasarnya ada artinya,setiap ada pihak lain coba pisahin kami ada artinya,hp dia rusak ada artinya, dan minim komunikasi ini pun ada artinya.

Kami adalah pasangan yang kuat,saya paham betul. Ini resiko. Dimana mana juga pupuk itu pait buat buah yang manis.

Sekian.