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Awalnya stalking.

Jadi karna kebanyakan kuota dan lagi nyari bahan hiburan (i used to make my bf's old story for jokes) gue ngestalk akun mantannya pacar gue yang sejarah move on nya paling lama.

Fafa told me a lot of their story.

I've read all of their messages.

It was funny because i've NEVER called by 'yang' or 'sweetie' like he did with his ex.

A bit envy but, idc. Udah pernah juga bilang dan jadi kayak geli gitu heheh

k then, by scrolling her timeline, i found something that fafa didn't tell me before.

their photo.

i'm trying to laugh....................................but ended up with crying.

"waratte, waratte, hoho ga itaku naru made"

suddenly remember how jealous i was. big tweetwar, etc. and I just realized that i still hate the old him.

well, after done stalking her 100000000000+ selfies, i go to twitter by searching their accounts.

I found SO MANY mentions (or sweet mentions) they did after fafa date me.

FOR GOD'S SAKE HOW STUPID I WAS!!!!

Fafa and I have a bad...........history, very bad history. And I found these mentions after 34 months dating.
.

my eyes got swollen and i keep scrolling. Found their old sweet mentions before broke up, many supports, they just like a little lovebird before i came to ruin everything.


so sorry.

Heavy breathing. I deserve this feeling. This reality. And show must go on.

but I can't stop crying.

===============================


so unfair that i DONT HAVE ANY sweet love moments, boyfriend thingy, or smth.

I was a HARDCORE NTR victim, twice (or three times) with person i called bestfriend. I don't ever feel like have a boyfriend before. This is so unfair.




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THIS IS HOW "WE" DO (barosanimafest)


vid by Ans L on youtube
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Do you ever feel?

Totally desperate.



When you have a dream that you will NEVER reach.

Well, gue baru aja depresi soalnya semua temen gue yang audisi bareng gue lolos ahahah. kecuali gue.and mostly panitia kenal gue,thanks for your support guys.

and I dont have anyone to lay on. I'm alone. Crying.

gue terus berpikir kenapa gue begitu muluk.
kenapa mimpi gue ketinggian.
.
.
.
.

kenapa gue harus hidup dengan takdir begini.

I have no support, I dont have anyone who can support me. 

Especially

my parents.


I have a boyfriend. 

Dia hampir ngga pernah ada saat gue butuh tempat buat bersandar.
Keterbatasan waktu, minimnya inisiatif, dan modal yang cukup besar untuk kami agar bisa tetap berhubungan. Tapi kami tetap bersama dalam sebuah status menyakitkan.

I have many friends. But they can't help me bcs they all on the way to reach our dream, but i'm still here, waiting for a miracle. 


am I that ugly and untalented? yes, I am.



sorry for another randomness,

oyasumi